In society, it is believed that we must love our family and be grateful to our parents, no matter what happens between us. And if it was there that we were subjected to Abueza? Is it possible to stop communicating with close relatives and how to allow yourself to do it?
My sister has always been unhappy with something. After the death of her mother, she turned all her anger to Anna, as if she was to blame for something terrible. True, Anna herself never understood what she had done to cause such anger.
Both grew up and created their own families. Anna really wanted the children to communicate with their cousins and sisters. It was important that the sister was present in her life. But every time she met the same person-the accuser and for something punishing.
Time passed, and the sister was still angry and treated her badly. For many years, Anna tried to maintain a relationship, trying to be a «best version of herself». She thought she should grow, change so that her sister’s behavior would no longer hurt, but only evoke sympathy. But every time after communication I felt bad. Their interaction harmed her.
Once Anna again sent a letter and offered to see. The sister answered aggressively again. And then something has changed inside Anna. She suddenly allowed herself not to try to be “understanding” and stop pretending that nothing wrong had happened. She couldn’t.
The woman decided to stop communication with her sister. Such a decision seemed the only respectful and kind to itself. After any contact, Anna always experienced anger, sadness and confusion. And most likely, it will always be so.
Perhaps it will never become
clear why the sister is so angry. But Anna could not bear it anymore. To be the «best version of oneself» now meant to take care.
A sister she would like to have did not exist in reality. She was just a fantasy. And Anna decided to stop communicating with a person who constantly violated her spiritual balance.